I’ve seen the other people in this ad campaign who look pretty cheerful. There’s one with a grinning Jason Castro that looks really happy. But no, I pass the Brian Welch (formerly in the band Korn) billboard. No smiling here. Just a deep, haunting look, staring off toward the horizon, softly whispering to passing cars: “I am second.”

I gave in and finally went to their website. It turned out to be a collection of interviews with various athletes, musicians, and average Joes, who relate their struggles through some of life’s toughest battles: stuff like drug abuse, divorce, and a laundry list of the seven deadly sins. The testimonials are face-to-face and filmed in an effective white and black contrast.

The premise was interesting and kept me reading; my suspicion that Scientology, Jesus, or Gatorade were somehow involved began to fade. Wait a sec….

Jesus it is. And for the people at iamsecond.com, he’s number one.

This gives a better look into the ads, but in a nutshell it’s a multi-million dollar marketing campaign run by a Plano-based missionary group. Their goal is to deliver Christian ideals to the mainstream in a non-threatening, non-demominational way, and they’ve gotten a list of mildly famous people (Stephen Baldwin?) to share their experiences to the masses.

The campaign does elicit some degree of my respect; its certainly a more inspired effort than some other attempts at spreading the good word. The face-to-face approach and effective design is the best sell I’ve seen any faith group make in a while.

Won’t compliment too much though. True, I’m a sucker for this cryptic slogan approach, but it’s still a deceptive way to market anything.

And when I drive to work tomorrow morning, I’ll have to deal once again with the haunting visage of Brian Welch, peering into the depths of my heart….

Burger King has always been the underdog of fast food chains. Well aware they cannot compete directly with Ronald McDonald’s rigorous campaigns, Burger King has always elected more niche-marketing schemes. Some darker than others, but each one has consistently mirrored their humorous nature.

We all remember the first time someone sent us a link to subservientchicken.com and being absolutely creeped out by it. And then laughing. And then creeped out once more at the realization that we can be entertained by this.

And let us not forget The Burger King – another creepy personification of the brand. According to the commercials, the King could show up unexpectedly in your bed, behind doors and walls and offer you food. Yet, despite the disturbing smile and sneaky inclinations, people seem to be eating him up. He’s made numerous television appearances; including a spoof on Jay Leno and product tie-ins like The Simpsons and Star Wars Episode III: Revenge of the Sith. He has his own game, Sneak King, and there’s a feature-length movie to be made? (Ugh.)

Just last year, BK advertised the discontinuation of the Whopper. Many customers were pissed (old Jay and Silent Bob 4:31), some were lost (guy in red shirt with kid 2:10), and others were just plain ridiculous (the Hipster kid 1:20). The campaign itself is tedious, but watching specific reactions from the most loyal consumers brought out a few laughs. Naturally, Youtube spoofs followed.

All in all, Crispin, Porter + Bogusky, Burger King’s ad agency, were heading in the right direction, but it just doesn’t seem to be enough. I, myself, haven’t been to a Burger King in years. Recently, the one by my house closed down. Will I miss it? Nope. Can’t say I will.

Addendum: Burger King’s latest imperialistic attempt: Whopper Virgins.